Think of it like a sickness. Sure you could ignore it and pretend everything is fine on the surface but eventually it will grow and do damage. It makes you responsible in your own relationship and life. You get to have a voice in any behaviour that has the potential to destroy your marriage or your family.
Lianne October 31, , The fact that you even felt something was off — that your GUT told you to look at his history! I cannot stress this enough:. Could you possibly be more alarmist? Maybe she should simply talk to her husband about this. There is absolutely no proof whatsoever that he is meeting up with anybody from craigslist.
And many men DO view it almost as a form of porn. Look, obviously, this needs to be discussed, but the last thing this LW needs is everybody pouring fuel onto the fire when in the reality it very damn well be nothing but smoke.
And once again, it is very clear that far too many of you know precious little of male sexuality. Many of you seem to view men in the most simplistic of terms sexually. Amanda October 31, , That said, I agree with you bittergaymark. Lucy November 1, , 6: I agree with you to a point. They can be hilarious, or disturbing, or in the best of all worlds, both.
She senses her husband is being deceitful. She needs to discuss it with him in a non-confrontational way and find out what is up. SweetPeaG October 31, , I am growing so weary of seeing these types of questions. Why do people have to be such dicks to the people they choose with their own free will! What can we do to get back on track with that?
Even when it is HARD to do the right thing, this is the person you agreed to respect and love for the rest of your days. Choose right over easy. I am not saying this is doomed. People can work through some incredibly difficult things. It will just destroy you from the inside out. And you owe it to your kids if not yourself to not be a broken person. People do say and do those kind of things. Why do so many new mothers turn completely off their sexuality?
And then why do so many —when having done so — flip out that their husband then jacks off to porn? What the fuck do you want him to do? Hack off his balls? Tell me, please tell me because I wanna know.
Meanwhile, there is ZERO evidence that he is even emailing any of these people on the side, much less banging them. And everybody is ready to crucify this guy. Try to figure out the situation. I would have thought the LW would include that information if her husband had tried to have this discussion with her. It would have been pretty relevant. But, why do new moms turn off their sexuality? You may or may not have heard the same? So, yes, there might be a lull in the sex. While her vagina is healing up from an episotimy and she has an infant waking her up five times a night?
The husband might help matters by helping with the baby as much as he can. Do things to help his wife get in the mood. Maintaining relationships is sometimes about work! And, if it was just jacking off to porn, I think the advice would have been a lot different. I would have told the LW to let it go unless it seems to be some sort of addiction. I would also tell her to work on some of the closeness and sexuality that might be waining between them.
But, secretively hiding his phone? They are ads where people set up sexual meetings.! I guess I did fill in a lot of blanks here.
My hunch is that there is something else going on. Or just thought that she would. God knows the world is filled with women RAILING about the evils of porn and how its emotional cheating and all sorts of other assorted b. Seriously, the baby is ONLY three months old. Are you even supposed to be having sex again at that point? ALL the more reason he may be jerking off to Craigslist and not even bothering to tell her about it… Seriously. I think its unreasonable for you to expect a woman who is only three months post-partum to have turned back on her sexuality.
Frankly, I agree with you that most commenters seem a little quick to write the guy off as a cheater. Kim October 31, , On the new mother thing, I feel I can weigh in as a new mother.
Second, if you are breastfeeding, your body releases hormones that reduce your sex drive to keep you from procreating before you are ready.
These two things can combine to make it not that interesting to the woman to have sex or even other forms of playtime after having a baby. And as the woman in that situation, it can be just as frustrating for us because I like being a sexual person.
And having that taken away for a few months was not great for me either. Then this combines with the fact that you are super busy, sleep deprived, and taking care of another persons needs the entire day and makes it hard to want to take care of another persons i.
Having said that, I have no problem with my husband looking at porn and entertaining himself. Also, my husband and I worked out an arrangement where we would both try to help meet eachothers needs post baby — his sexual, mine not.
I make an extra effort for him and he makes an extra effort for me, and we are both happy. The first few months are mostly just trying to survive with the new baby, and it was around the 3 month mark that we were able to start carving out extra time to make sure both our needs were being met. And really, months in the course of a long-term relationship is not a huge deal to put your needs on the backburner until things settle down. And I would expect my husband to discuss with me if his needs were not being met before overstepping any boundaries we had placed on our relationship.
For us — those boundaries include porn being okay, but contacting actual human beings as not okay. Oh — and on the actual letter, the only thing that really bothers me is that he was being secretive about it. I do know some women are against their spouse looking at porn, and if that was the boundary they agreed upon, he should refrain from looking at it.
SixtyFour October 31, , 1: Uh, because they just pushed a human being out of them, forgive them for not being up for putting a penis back inside them every damn day. Becuase they gained weight during pregancy and are having trouble seeing themselves as attractive anymore. He should have communicated his frustrations to her. BecBoo84 November 1, , Wish I could like this x BGM, take a minute to think about the fact that for however long a mother breastfeeds, she has to get up with the baby every single time it wakes up during the night.
And during those first three months, babies wake up a lot at night to eat, typically every 3ish hours or less , and nursing can taken anywhere from 30 minutes and longer for a lot of moms. Not because he was looking to hook up or unhappy with me but because he was amazed at what was on there he said it was free porn. Of course the difference is he would tell me about the stuff he saw and would actually show some of it to me.
I think the LW should definitely ask her husband about it. It may just be easy access to some free porn. The fact that they have two very small children may also account for some of his actions. SarahKat October 31, , Your husband is looking at them to either troll for strange or get off on thinking about trolling for strange. Either way, red red red flaggy. Its a place where you find people to sleep with. Its a train station to sexy time.
Uh, you can totally use it as porn though. Sadly, they are FEW and far between and this actually would account for scrolling through pages and pages of them… Many ads — usually the MEH ones are reposted ad nauseum… so it can take one a while to find a good one…. CatsMeow October 31, , I pretty much have only browsed the m4m casual encounters. And sure, I can see how browsing those is porn-like.
But the straight ones are SOOO boring. In fact, I just looked at the w4m just now! Sure he can use craigslist to fantasize…. That is literally the only reason he would choose that over actual porn. There is real porn of all shapes and sizes he could be looking at instead.
One porn two porn red porn blue porn. On Craigslist the last thing I wanna see is pictures… Why? Hell, even most of those on there that do email people have no real intention of ever really hooking up. Write Dan Savage and see what he has to say. People do meet there and do have illicit affair… But truthfully? Those people are the exception — rather than the rule. SarahKat October 31, , 1: Which, whether he is a craigslist flake or not, is not good for a married man to want.
I just love the idea of cheating on you and look for opportunities to think about cheating on the wife of my two children more. As long as you are just wishing you could cheat on me as opposed to actually doing it of which I have no proof that you did not then our marriage is totally fine.
Troll for sex away! No such emails have been discovered, just an internet history that shows him perusing these ads. Fantasizing about hookups, and using ads to inform those fantasies, are still nothing more than daydreams.
I just think that I would not be ok with my partner needing to have the rush of actually meeting someone is he so chooses to get off. But I think we want the same thing, we want the LW to talk to her husband about it and figure out what he uses casual encounters for and why he needs that instead of actual porn.
Not to mention gaps in reading comprehension. First, there is no proof, or even an allegation made by the LW that her husband is answering ads on Craigslist. Second, nowhere do I say it is the fact that we are SO close to doing the act that is the turn on. Hell, I never even contact anybody… Honestly, where did you even get that from. Seriously, does anybody on here know of a single women who has actually posted in the casual encounters section on craigslist?
Yet alone followed through and banged some random she mets there? You can tell most of the people posting the ads on Craigslist are FLAKES just by the sheer repeats one encounters making return visits. You will often again and again see the same ad over and over and over.
Such as blowing some random, nameless, hot guy in an alley. But… in real life? Possible murder by some psychopath! Yeah, lots of things hold me back. Possible murder by a psychopath! Never seeing his kids other than weekends! Especially since there is ZERO evidence of any damning emails. You all make lousy detectives — the lot of you — even Wendy. Everybody has sexual fantasies about other people. ElevenSeven October 31, , 6: I know three women who do this. Trixy Minx October 31, , 7: Alicia September 26, , 1: It looks so tempting so moist so good.
Now, one of two things happens. You fill up on steak and go home dreaming about that piece of cake you never got. Is that dark chocolate in the middle? You hate dark chocolate! The fantasy of what could be is the excitement. I totally understand it. Some of the hottest things on CL are the well thought out ads. Sure, someone could post a dirty photo and their cell number saying to meet them at the seediest dirtiest motel.
But the ads where someone sat down, has a brain, thought out what they want and published the words of an arousing scenario. Those are the ones that get the heart racing. GatorGirl October 31, , 1: I have to agree with BGM on this one. There is a chance that he is just using the ads for his spank bank. Some men prefer audio, some text, some video, heck even some cartoons for their alone time.
Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, even if they make no sense to other people. I do think that the fact he is being so secretive about his phone habits is a red flag though. Going out of your way to hide your phone from your partner makes me skeptical that he is only using the ads for self gratification and may or may not be meeting up with people. The appeal of craigslist is not that its words, is that its real people asking for real sex.
Nevermind the extra added bonys stimulation of Craigslist or — God forbid! BGM the next time you accuse women of giving other women the benefit of the doubt and always blaming the guy…. As if most women would be just thrilled to learn that their husband is innocently jacking off to ads on Craigslist. Especially when they are insanely hormonal because they just gave a baby. Gee… why ever would he simply not want her to know about this… Gee, I wonder.
Is there truly no such thing as privacy in most straight relationships? Well, wowee, no wonder so many of them FAIL! His fantasy life is his fantasy life. God knows I have mine… End of story. There should be a balance, no? Neither gender should get do or demand whatever what they want while the other just has to suck it up and deal. My husband and I are both open about porn, fantasies, etc.
Same goes for my fantasy time and privacy. The LW just needs to have a conversation with her husband about this.
Yes, I think this discussion at least in my mind has strayed a bit from the initial letter to a more general discussion about men and women in relationships together. Then we could both move on. If he theoretically is unwilling to do that, well, that would be his bad. If she had just found them because she was snooping with no reason, then that would be her own damn fault.
An elegant solution, perhaps, but it could be innocent. I agree that the general consensus is taking it too far, but I also think that BGM is taking it too far the other way. He could be cheating or he could be just whacking off. This is all your fault! Eh, we just see this issue differently. I see reading Craigslist ads and hiding the phone to be independent of each other.
If he was hiding it from me I would be concerned. Being secretive is the red flag to me, not the materials he is reading. Especially, if its all just fantasy. How does that help her? Im not materialistic but I do have my own home on 2 acres as having a stable home base is important to me. Hoping to make some genuine connections and enjoy what life has to offer with like minded ladies.
I enjoy being in nature but also love what city life has to offer. Looking to meet up with Melbourne women and locals for friendship and possibly relationship if the spark is there. Newly single and looking to make friends with like minded individuals. Have many interests, too many to write about and love to chat about anything and everything.
I am extremely young for my age. So young in fact that I am going back to full time work. Apparently I made an account here many years ago and it would appear that my name is now a tattoo on my wrist haha. I love music, play guitar badly, am a champion at. I love a good chat. Nothing better than a coffee-catch up with a good friend, maybe even with a terrible movie thrown in for laughs.
I'm very honest and have very loyal friendships. I know 'who I am' fairly well. I'm a thoughtful and reflective person and I love unpacking the mysteries and curiosities of the human condition. I enjoy staying fit and healthy by walking and hiking, and I love summer camping. I like to have some exciting things planned. It's always a bit hard to know what to put here! I like my simple life. It includes teen kids, many animals, a job I love and beautiful friends. My passions include animal and human rights, movies, good food and.
I've lived in Brisbane now for a very long time, but originally came from the bush. I also worked in the Middle East for a few years. I have a passion for Australian red wines, malt whiskey, and food. Hi there, I'm a pretty easy going type of gal who loves spending time with that special some-one, but also spending time with friends as they mean the world too me. I love all sports, mostly watching now days though I will have. A few years ago I bought a crooked little house on the Mornington Peninsula.
I figured it would be fun to be Betty the Builder and slowly turn it into the sanctuary I've always dreamed of. That was until I realised that I'm dangerous with power tools so.
I was born in a hospital to two parents: I suppose that the midwives were the. Like taking in and exploring the natural beauty of our country Love the wide open spaces , country and oceans. Enjoy walking , good food , good company. Live South Coast South Australia. Hi, I always try to look at the brighter side of life - the past has already gone and the future is whatever you make of it. I've been told I'm noisy!! I grew up in Fremantle but didn't really appreciate how nice it was until I moved to the Wheatbelt, which is a great place to be, but I missed the coast.
I now love living in the Southwest. Work has been good for me, I. As much as I enjoy sitting on. Trying to get fitter and healthier. I am looking for that someone who l trust can have fun with. I am very young looking energetic, slim - medium built, honest, caring, trustworthy person. I've got great sense of humour and extremely independent and very successful. I am a fairly enthusiastic and optimistic person who likes to keep busy by learning, growing, exploring, experiencing and connecting with people.
I really enjoy the outdoors such as bushwalking, hiking, nature, kayaking, cycling and travelling. I am passionate about women's.
I am thankful for a full and rich life: Adventurous by nature, I tend not to take the well-trodden paths. I have taken many a road less travelled over the years, giving me lots of enriching experiences: I'd initially love to hear from anyone, anywhere to have a chat and if it feels right for both then maybe a catch up in person.
I'd also prefer to hear from others that are premium members so that we can communicate easily over PS and also as. Hi there, Thanks for visiting my profile! I appreciate that you have selected my profile to peruse through.
I hope you enjoy what you read. If you connect with anything you read, please send me a message or smile as I'd. I have been on the Sofa for a while now and have become friends with a couple of special women whose company I enjoy very much. As yet I have not met the one where friendship will flow on to intimacy, a relationship and good times. I generally aim for a simple life, I have a great sense of humour and am pretty easy going.
I enjoy chilling with family and friends but also love my alone and down time. I enjoy laughing with people and being around. Hi, A new chapter in my life..
I want a women to take me for me. I am a happy type of gal, enjoys a chat and a laugh....