Are you sure your self-esteem is healthy enough to feel satisfied by this arrangement, not demeaned or used? Are you enjoying the sex? Even if the answer to all of these questions is yes, keep checking in with yourself by asking them as your arrangement continues. If you start having romantic feelings for your buddy, admit it to yourself and to them. Maybe they have feelings for you too, in which case, jackpot!
If this is the case, be honest about what you need do to get over them. Do you need to take a break from your arrangement? Figure out what you need, and do it. On the flip side, if your buddy develops unreciprocated feelings for you, be nice and understanding, but firm. Sometimes you have to protect people from themselves. When sharing the dirty details with friends, should pseudonyms be used to protect your privacy? After sex, are you sleeping over or heading home?
If your partner ever even whispers a protest against them, leave. If you do contract anything, tell your partner immediately so they can get tested. Bad infections happen to good people, and your reaction to the news is more a reflection on you than their STI is a reflection on them. So hone your skills, use them generously, and be open-minded. In sex, as in life, always follow the Campsite Rule, as Dan Savage suggests: First of all, love the column.
I get tested regularly, but I am a bit paranoid, particularly about catching HPV or herpes. Let me let you in on a controversial little secret: In the end, you can only take responsibility for your own sexual health, so you do what you can to manage those risks, while acknowledging that even those measures might not be enough. Seeking Men, Women and Couples. You have chosen to ignore AndreR.
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