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Romantic chat with girls — Girls number for friendship and chatting — I tend to just say, "Do you want to come home with me", and generally they do. I find myself less inhibited sexually in these casual encounters, because there's no pressure, and so some of the sex is great. It really is a myth that you have to be in love to have great sex, although love does make the morning after nicer. Sometimes I feel bad about it, though - one guy keeps ringing me but I don't want to see him, and I do feel a bit awful about that.
A lot of the impetus for women having sex on their own terms - whatever they may be - comes from the fact that, as Dr Terri Apter, a social psychologist at Cambridge University, puts it, 'Women have a wider area of feedback for identity satisfaction nowadays. They have a greater sense of being in control of their lives, both at home and in the workplace, so they don't feel that so much is invested in a man's approval, affection or bond. But I think the truth is that women do tire of this behaviour more quickly than men.
So while it is true that women are now more able to separate physical and emotional needs - which is making them less exclusive and more mobile in their partnerships - that this separation is clear and unproblematic is usually not the case long term.
We simply are not as good at separating our feelings as men are. Men are better at compartmentalising feelings, or perhaps they're better at denial. Similarly, Dr Janet Reibstein, a psychologist at Exeter University, feels it would be an error to mistake these women for men. Yes, she says, more women are having relationships that are casual, 'ie they include sex but are not necessarily about marriage or staying together', and yes, they are playing the field and delaying commitment in a way that men have always done.
But she believes that, essentially, women do feel differently about sex to men. Ultimately, she feels the fact that women are capable of having children will always be an issue.
In other words, we are almost pre-programmed to eventually seek out a relationship with a man who will care for our child. Although it's also true to say that our increasing ability to postpone the biological clock is certainly giving women a longer lead time.
But what about women for whom children aren't an issue? Who either never wanted them, or who have them already? Jane is 41 and has two children of eight and five. She lived with their father up until four years ago and, despite being basically single ever since, has a healthy and ongoing sex life.
I don't want anyone "moving in on them", so to speak. I also feel a certain amount of "been there, done that" But I definitely want a sex life, I need one; I get uptight if I don't have sex, so I have sex casually. If the men I see do want more, they get told they can't have it, and they don't seem to mind, maybe because I choose them quite carefully. I tend to steer clear of intellectual men - too much baggage.
The men I sleep with don't tend to have much to say, but that's fine. I certainly wouldn't want to take on the guy I'm seeing at the moment. I met him when he came to do odd jobs for me, and he really is just a bit of rough, just a shag, which is perfect I call it shagging without ironing. Terri Apter believes that it is single women like Jane, in their forties and fifties, who are particularly comfortable with the idea of sex for its own sake.
They're very comfortable with them. Ex-Cosmo editor Marcelle D'Argy Smith, now in her fifties, is far from celibate and says that she really came into her own as a single woman in her forties.
I love being single - let me tell you, I know where to locate great sex in this town. I have sex with friends; that is, we have friendships and we have great sex, but nothing more..
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